However you celebrate this season, be it Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanza, Winter Solstice, Festivus, or as a holiday abstainer, it is virtually impossible to avoid the expectations of others as well as expectations of ourselves. We experience this in our workplaces and in our home lives.
Such is the power of the media. We are constantly inundated with images of happiness, glowing health, warm fuzzies, family good feeling, cheer, joy, peace, and togetherness. This is marketed to us as the “normal” experience. But, trying to live up to these ideals is insane. Yet under its influence, many of us feel confused, angry, and disappointed when the experience falls short of expectations. We blame ourselves and everyone around us. No peace on earth and goodwill toward few.
It is vitally important for our peace of mind as well as the sanity of those in our workplace and home for us to have a reality check concerning our expectations about the holidays:
Reality is too much to do and not enough time to do it.
Reality is deadlines at work for end of the year or inability to do your work because other people are out on vacation, taking personal time, etc.
Reality is presents to buy for people we don’t like and don’t see and resentment about the money to pay for them.
Reality is one business or social event after another when you are so tired you want and need to stay home.
Reality is having your entire routine thrown off with drop-in internal and external customers, visitors and family.
Reality is rich holiday food lurking everywhere you go and not being able to say no.
Reality is, in a word, STRESS!
I am certain you have many more that you can add to the list. However, just because there are demands made upon us beyond our abilities to satisfy, does not mean that we have to succumb to them. Carrying the weight of unresolved expectations quickly moves us into the land of diminishing returns where the more we work the less we accomplish and the more frustrated we become.
If we can look at what is really important and what unrealistic expectations we are carrying, we can begin to make choices that will greatly increase the quality of our lives at work and at home.
First, we must accept that everything we’d ideally like accomplish will most likely not be completed. Even if it does get done, it may not be up to our high standards because of time pressures or lack of resources. If that is so, then a re-evaluation of the task list is an important priority.
If you are self-employed, look at the projects you have on your calendar between now and the first of the year. Review them against both what you’ve been able to accomplish in the past and whatever other things are on your schedule (social events, trips, etc.). Is your projected schedule reasonable? If it isn’t, make adjustments and decide which things might be done later, which might be let go entirely, which can be curtailed or modified, and which can be delegated. Be sure to let your client or clients know as soon as possible if you are making modifications or scheduling changes. It is possible there will be financial consequences such as delayed payments of invoices. However, you will make this back and more because you will have greater creativity and energy due to a saner workload.
The same holds true if you work for someone else. If the expectations are beyond what is going to be possible while still maintaining some semblance of work/life balance, tell your boss right away. Bad news is much better served warm, irrespective of her or his reaction. In the long run, you will be rewarded for your commitment to making sure that your deliverables happen in ways that do not deplete your human resources.
On the home front, take a few minutes to and think about the holidays of the past and what you really treasured about them. Feel what it was like – the joy, the peace, the camaraderie, or the fun. While you’ll never be able to re-experience those times, you can take the feelings that were associated with the holiday and bring them forward and create new traditions that have nothing to do with how many presents are under the tree or how deeply you went into debt to satisfy a material desire of a loved one.
Remember when you are making out your gift list to put yourself on it, near the top. Give yourself the gift of a saner, more manageable holiday season this year. You and everyone around you will be glad that you did. And a Merry RamaHanaKwanzMas to all!
Dennis Tardan is a communications consultant and empowerment trainer. His passion is helping people to communicate their core messages with greater clarity, effectiveness and confidence. His company is Tardan Professional Development and he is based in Texas, USA. www.tardanprodev.com. Write to Dennis at .
