There is a destructive side to the sociological trend toward the cult of the “self-made man” in the United States. I believe this bent is detrimental to our well-being, both as individuals and for society as a whole. We buy into this image of the self-made man or woman as though it was the only virtue worth apriring to and anyone who doesn’t meet the criteria is a failure. What about good old American ingenuity and resourcefulness? Perhaps we need to give another look at how we can best achieve our goals and success.
The history of humankind is a tale of interconnectedness -- one of families, tribes and communities. Interaction, interdependence and learning from those who had gone before was and is absolutely essential to our survival. People lived within extended family groups and communities and relied on family, friends, and neighbors to teach them the skills they needed to survive and thrive.
People usually learned trades and job skills by participating in an apprenticeship process, formal and informal such as masonry, blacksmithing, and farming. Even the skills required for surviving in your personal life were passed down from person to person. Think of cooking and hunting.
In the 19th century the dependence on industry and the beginning of the end for the agrarian society started the separation of groups. Families became more mobile and the nuclear family as a unit appeared. The mass movements to settle new lands added to the cult of self-reliance and self-determination.
In the 20th century things changed even more and families became smaller.
Child labor laws and the move from the family farm allowed children to attend school more of the year and to finish high school. Women worked outside the home more and more particularly with the needs created by World War I and World War II. The change became more evident with the post WWII economic boom and the unprecedented personal prosperity.
The nuclear family, two parents with children living in suburbia became the cultural icon. Single family homes and the apartment culture bloomed. We stopped knowing our next- door-neighbors and often didn’t particularly want to. There was less and less person-to-person teaching how to live, do, and be. Children and young adults were learning in groups in schools and through the media about how they should conduct their lives. Their role models were strangers – celebrities, sports figures and their ilk. Yet, the need for personal time and mentoring did not go away -- if anything it increased as the complexities of our societies grew.
In business, we developed the myth of the self-made person. “I never ask for help.” “I pull myself up by my own bootstraps.” “I go it alone and solve my own problems.” After all, asking for help for IS a sign of weakness, right?
By the end of the 20th century, cubicles sprouted everywhere in the business world. Email, with all its blessings, put another degree of separation between us and our fellows, creating levels of separation. Faxes, emails, cells phones, and Blackberries created the demand for instantaneous action and attention without direct human contact.
A coping tool I would like you to consider is one out of our past. I want you to consider getting a mentor. A mentor is someone you can go to for help. Someone you trust to tell you the truth and to give you another perspective on a situation. It is someone who has your better interests at heart.
Now, mentors come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, and genders. There are professional mentors, called business coaches, whom you pay for their time and expertise. There are mentors in your career fields who have traveled paths you want to travel, who have succeeded where you want to succeed. And mentors for your personal life who are living their lives in the way you want to live yours – in everything from hobbies to spiritual growth.
Think of a mentor as a co-pilot. You are doing the flying. You are the pilot in command and are responsible for the overall safety and for choosing the destination of the aircraft. But you are not alone. When you need navigational help or double checking that all systems are operating properly, you can ask for the help and get feedback on how you are doing. This gives you a sense of confidence about what you are doing and what might lie ahead. We all understand how important confidence is to success.
Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness -- it is a sign of strength. We know of this from athletics and show business folks.
Nearly every athlete or entertainer makes use of a personal coach, trainer or mentor. Why? Because, they know that someone standing outside of their situation can evaluate what is going on and help to bring them back on course.
Getting a mentor is reconnecting to our roots. It is one tool for getting past the societal and environmental isolation that prosperity, technology, and progress have created. We humans are designed to need each other and to learn from each other. If we reconnect to the idea that it is a virtue to mine the treasure of knowledge gained by our elders and use it to better all our lives, we will be the living examples of the best of “American Ingenuity”.
Dennis Tardan is a communications consultant and empowerment trainer. His passion is helping people to communicate their core messages with greater clarity, effectiveness and confidence. His company is Tardan Professional Development and he is based in Texas, USA. www.tardanprodev.com. Write to Dennis at .
